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Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples: Third Edition
PDF Download Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples: Third Edition
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Review
"What a treasure this book is, full of the insight, wisdom, and empathy that enriches loving relationships, even those that may seem worn at the seams or beyond hope. Harville and Helen bring fresh ideas, kind hearts, and deep humanity to everything and everyone they encounter." ―Diane Ackerman, author of A Natural History of Love and other books“This new edition of Getting the Love You Want, after an amazing 4 million readers, Helen and Harville show how to create safety with an interactional structure that allows two lovers to turn escalating conflicts into a win-win dialogue that is enriched by partners’ differences. Readers will benefit from the new wisdom of these two pioneers in understanding relationships.†―Julie Schwartz Gottman & John Gottman, author of The Seven Principles For Making Marriage Work"In this 30th anniversary edition of the their timeless classic, Getting the Love you Want, Helen Hunt and Harville Hendrix have teamed up to provide couples with a time tested strategy to improve their relationships. By combining Imago Therapy with a new scientific understanding of how brain and behaviors change, Getting the Love You Want will help couples untangle the deep and confusing mysteries of love and connection and help them harvest the joy and healing power present in healthy, mutual, intimate relationships." ―Amy Banks, M.D., senior scholar at the Wellesley Centers for Women, Wellesley College and author of Wired to Connect: The Surprising Link Between Brain Science and Strong, Healthy Relationships “Getting the Love You Want is one of the most important relationship books of all time. It is a classic. Harville and Helen's insight that we are attracted to mates that are similar to our caregivers is one of the most important revelations in the field of relationship psychology. Millions have benefited from this book, and so will you.†―Doug Abrams, coauthor of The Book of Joy, and Rachel Abrams M.D., author of BodyWise“Getting the Love You Want is an awesome book. Relationships are the key to life, and this book is a key to getting it right. This book has stood the test of time to be one of the best, and the updates are timely and relevant. We are total fans of Harville and Helen, and love this book.†―Scott & Theresa Beck, cofounders of Gloo, LLC “Where would we be without Getting the Love You Want? This articulate, wisdom-drenched, and profoundly knowledgeable book has given us tangible relational support when we’ve needed it most. More than just advice, this soulful and practical handbook has helped us build a foundational template for our marriage. We are forever grateful to Helen and Harville for sharing what is certainly among the greatest contributions to relational healing and harmony. Now, more than ever, its pages offer guidance, vision, rituals, insights, and illumination for cultivating and maintaining a healthy and vibrant partnership.†―Grammy Award-winning singer and songwriter Alanis Morissette & rapper Souleye“This superb updated revision of Getting the Love You Want will inspire you to create deeper, more loving connection. The exercises alone are powerful reminders of how to love more elegantly.†―Ellyn Bader, Ph.D, founder of The Couples Institute and creator of the Developmental Model of Couples Therapy"Helen LaKelly Hunt and Harville Hendrix have done it again! Their powerful approach to bringing love alive in a couple's relationship through the creation of safety, trust, and connection enables us to let go of the common images of what we've longed for in our past to become fully present for our partner right now. Science affirms what these two pioneers in loving relationships have taught for decades: by taking practical steps to increase our self-understanding and cultivate clear communication, we can achieve the kind of intimacy and connection we've often longed for. By teaching us how to create safe conversations that open us to the true person in front of our eyes, we are literally able to get the love we want―and then some! Take in these time-tested practical steps to love and enjoy the freedom and closeness you deserve." ―Daniel J. Siegel, M.D., Mindsight Institute, New York Times-bestselling author of Aware: The Science and Practice of Presence"Harville and Helen have been a force in the world of relationships for decades, and their work has inspired so many. Imago theory and therapy help set a foundation for couples to know themselves, and each other, in ways that will serve them for a lifetime.†―Scott Kriens, cofounder of 1440 Multiversity“If you were to read one book one book that would change the way you relate to the most important people in your life, this is that book. When published in 1988, Getting the Love You Want was the first to stress the importance of loving partnership for emotional wellbeing. The messages in it are still most important for anyone, male or female, gay or straight, who want to be in a healthy, happy relationship.†―Marion Solomon, PhD, coauthor of Love and War in Intimate Relationships: Connection, Disconnection, and Mutual Regulation in Couple Therapy“Learn: how the imprints of the past unconsciously eclipse the present. Learn: how safety is fundamental to illuminating relationships. Learn: to practice conscious partnership to brighten your future together. The goal of living is enriching connection. There are no better relationship experts from which to learn than Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt.†―Jeffrey K. Zeig, Ph.D, the Milton H. Erickson Foundation“The world has changed drastically since the first edition of Getting the Love You Want thirty years ago, and so have many of the dynamics we see between partners. Fortunately, our knowledge about how to help couples improve their relationships has expanded alongside these changes. Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKellyHunt have kept pace with the times. Their new edition provides guidance for couples who are ‘doubly challenged’―both from childhood wounding and also from the cultural reward system in which they operate. At the same time, readers still receive all the many effective exercises from the last edition.†―Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT, developer of A Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy® (PACT) and founder the PACT Institute
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About the Author
Harville Hendrix, Ph.D. and Helen LaKelly Hunt, PhD., co-created Imago Relationship Therapy, a unique healing process for couples, prospective couples, and parents. Together they have more than thirty years’ experience as educators and therapists and their work has been translated into more than 50 languages, with Imago practiced by over two thousand therapists worldwide. Harville and Helen have six children and live in New York and Dallas.
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Product details
Paperback: 352 pages
Publisher: St. Martin's Griffin; Reprint, Revised, Updated edition (January 22, 2019)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 1250310539
ISBN-13: 978-1250310538
Product Dimensions:
5.4 x 1 x 8.3 inches
Shipping Weight: 11.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review:
4.4 out of 5 stars
809 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#2,741 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
I rarely write reviews but felt compelled to write one about this book. It was loaned to me by my therapist. My wife and I have been struggling in our marriage for years and no matter what I do (or she does), we always seem to fall back on the same old patterns of behavior that don't seem to work. Falling out of love has been a very painful experience indeed.The situations described in the book were very, very recognizable to me and at times I felt it described it described me and my own feelings exactly. Read this book, even if it is just for the realization that you are not alone in your struggles to make something out of your marriage.Nobody goes into marriage thinking they are going get divorced some day, but the statistics are grim. Roughly half of all marriages end up in divorce and of the remaining marriages probably 9 out of 10 couples sooner or later end up leading parallel lives where they try to find happiness and fulfillment outside of the relationship with their spouse. That means roughly only 1 in 20 couples end up building a lasting and fulfilling relationship that will last a lifetime. Are we expecting too much of marriage? Few of us would undertake an endeavor knowing there is only a 5% of succeeding, yet we do it anyway.The book goes on to illustrate that we chose our partners for very specific reasons that few of us are even aware of. Out of thousands of potential partners we are attracted to some people that subconsciously meet very specific character and personality traits. In a sense, we all marry into our problems, the very things that attract us to our partners, become the very same issues that drive a wedge between us.The book is very practical too in that offers specific exercises and guidelines for couples on how to interact with each other. But don't expect it to be easygoing by any means. I realize now that marriage takes a lot of hard work and commitment every day to make and stay successful. You have to make it a top priority in your life and take nothing for granted. Expect to do a lot of soul searching, be prepared to relive some gut wrenching and painful experiences from the past, be wiling to learn and undo the conditioned automated responses that you have always used, be prepared to be brutally honest to yourself and your spouse. I fear it might be too late for my own marriage but once you get through this catharsis, I do believe you might actually come out with a happier and more fulfilling relationship on the other end.Regardless, I implore you to read this book. It might help you save your marriage or relationship before it's too late, but even if it does not, it might make you a better person, it will certainly help you build more meaningful relationships with other people and give you a better chance at building lasting and more meaningful future relationships. Good luck to all of you that need this book.
Initially I was told that this is a great theory. It was suggested by a friend who is a mental health professional. I am very skeptical when it comes to recommendations from friends. What I learned was that my friend was dead on in suggesting the theory. My marriage was in shambles. I thought it had to be all my partners issues. I read the book and applied the lessons. That was 10 years ago. Since that time I have learned to work on me and not necessarily my partner. It helped me understand why I chose my partner and what I needed to do to correct my issues. Since that time, I have bought many copies to give to friends. As a matter of fact, I have lent copies to friends and have had to replace the copy for myself. From what I can see, those who embrace the theory have lasting "normal" relationships. They are much happier.
The best single relationship book I have ever read. I was so impressed by it that I have used it in several classes. Hendrix considers that we fall in love with people who our unconscious minds tell us can help us complete our unfinished business from childhood. He explains why opposites attract -- and why those differences then begin to drive us crazy. By the middle of the book, you are ready to despair--but then he devotes the second half to the solution, the "conscious marriage." He gets very specific, with a couples quiz that can however be taken by one partner alone; suggestions; recommendations; and--exercises. Anyone who puts in even half the requested effort will end up, at the very least, knowing a good deal more about his or her partner.The book is not perfect. Deliberately aimed at a popular audience, the writing is sometimes too simplified. There are links and connections that can be inferred, but that are not spelled out in the book. And HH's optimistic methods are not likely to work for the deeply disturbed or traumatized individual, simply because the degree of change called for is too great.I give this book to every couple I know, straight or gay, who are getting married.
Great book on improving communication to better all of your relationships, romantic, familial, and work. The key points are to listen, truly listen, without judgement; let your partner know you have heard them; and do not let your own ego get in the way of improving or allowing for a positive, open, honest, genuine, meaningful relationship.
This is an incredibly insightful book that is filled with great exercises that work to bring you and your partner together. The only caveat I can see here is for those who are working with a partner with Narcissistic Personality Disorder...it most likely will not work for those couples because the NPD will always have too many needs for the Non-NPD to meet, despite their efforts and the Non-NPD will never get ANY of their needs met, because the NPD views them as an inanimate appliance, not as a living, breathing human or, Heaven forbid, an equal. If your partner is an emotionally healthy, logical, sane person, like most of the population, though, this book will be a tremendous resource for you. It will even help you see what went wrong in your past relationships and increase your own self-awareness. Excellent!
It's a love hate relationship. It gives you the high of what is possible for love, but it also is painfully raw. If you dare yourself to read it, analyze it, and implement it in your own life. I have read this slowly because I feel like it is a mirror of what is going on inside me, and also takes you back to allll those deal breaker scenarios that makes you single or has sabotaged your marriage. It's makes you cry at times because of the later. I highly suggest this book. It's hard* and painful to read. Insight is great but change is better, I read that somewhere today. Conspire to make your relationship a reality, and keep it by living this book.
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